My Overheard Picks

Good stuff from Overheard in New York.

Young man: So I told her, "shut the hell up, you fucking bitch!"
Older woman: Jeez, how many times can you be in a homicidal rage over musical theater?

Suit to suit friend: That's so nice of her, to pick you up at one in the morning. You just asked her to come get you?
Suit friend: Yeah, I called her and I was like "hey, babe can you come get me? I got out of work late. Just wake the baby and bring him in the car." Twenty minutes later she was there. With divorce papers she had been working on.
Suit: Well, at least she picked you up, bro.
Suit friend: Very true.

Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.

Post office girl to customer ringing bell: Holding the bell down ain't gonna make them come any faster.
Customer: I know, but at least it will annoy the fuck out of you.

20-something girl: So yeah, I'm finally going to the gym today.
20-something guy: I stopped going to the gym years ago. I have a Wii fit.
20-something girl: Cool. How's that working for you?
20-something guy (as if it were obvious): Oh, I don't have a tv.

Little girl in stroller to mother: Who made my heart, who made it, huh?
Mom: I made your heart, and god did.
Little girl: Can I eat it ?
Mom: No.
Little girl: Why not?
Mom: It doesn't taste good.
Little girl: Yes it does! It tastes like cake.

Four-year-old boy: Dad, if I die, when will I come back?
Father: As far as I know, you won't.
Four-year-old boy, untroubled, thoughtful: But...what if everyone dies?
Father: Well, other people will take their place. Because everyone doesn't die at once. Know what I mean?
Four-year-old boy: Where will we put mom if she dies?
Father: In the ground. In a box in the ground.

Girlfriend: Spanish art is so weird.
Boyfriend: Yeah.
Girlfriend: Those were some macabre motherfuckers.
Boyfriend: Yeah.

Young girl: How old are you?
22 year-old girl: I'm 22.
Young girl: And you're pregnant!
22 year-old girl: No I'm not.
Young girl: Why do you have a big belly then?
22 year-old girl: Well you know, when you're my age, hormonal and stuff, you'll get fat. People will think you're pregnant when you're not, and you'll cry. So you'll eat tons of salads to make the belly disappear but it won't work and you'll be sad. That's all life's about. Don't grow up.

Man on cell: You know a guy really likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom...and you know what, Sheila? You ain't never gonna meet my mom.

Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my mother to thank her. (pause) No, I said, "Mom, I'm calling on behalf of me and the girls to thank you very much." (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck herself then.